COURT JESTERINGS

With h brown

h. brown
Photo(s) by Luke Thomas

Court Jester candidate endorsements

October 23, 2006

By h. Brown

"The herd of candidates was scrawny and ugly by election day. Many of them were bloated and diseased and most were delusional."

(from: 'Are you fucking kidding me?' by h. brown)

I've worked for 2 of the 92 candidates who are in your voter guide this year and also for 1 imprisoned journalist. To put it mildly, its been interesting. Let me give you a few facts that not many 'experts' consider.

In addition to the 92 candidates, there are 23 state and City propositions before you. Do you know how much this means that Jim Sutton is going to make? ... OK, not just Sutton. But, I mean, shit, it doesn't even end with candidates or propositions. Oh no, elections are just as much about consultants and other political 'roadies' and their combined take in an election campaign like this is truly amazing. You gotta admire that. Smart consultants can't really lose. In the long run, they don't give a shit if Donald Fisher's dip shit candidates lose their asses. Hell, they certainly could have chosen better candidates. Even Willie Brown bitched a few years back at the low quality of the candidates for supe that Downtown sent him in 2000. Lucky for the Progressives that Donald thinks that Heather Hiles is a charmer and that Rob Black has charisma!

Speaking of which, let me give a couple of facts about electioneering in this town:

1. Progressive volunteers outnumber Downtown volunteers by around 10-1 which is, maybe not so oddly, the same ratio by which Downtown outspends the Progressives. An interesting facet of this reality is that Downtown typically runs out of money to put paid canvassers on the street a week or so before most campaigns end. Basically, in the last week of any election in San Francisco, we own the streets and they own the media. Pretty much happens every time. Message is, if you want to have a maximum effect with your volunteer work, get out there the last 2 weeks and stay out there. And, dammit (sorry, Bruce) get some window signs up so's your neighbors know who you support. You're special to your neighbors, you know? Really, they know who pays attention to things political. They've seen you carrying in those signs during election season. They smell the smoke that drifts off your back porch when your degenerate friends come to visit. And, they admire and envy you for it all. Get your ass to somebody's headquarters.

2. Don't vote absentee. I got a pollster from the Rob Black campaign calling today. After asking who I'd vote for (course, I said Daly) he asked if I voted by absentee ballot. Now, why in the hell do they need to know that? Hate to say it, but I'd say they're trying to figure out how many fake absentee ballots they're going to have to make up to take the place of those they toss, yet again, into the Bay. You got an absentee ballot? Hold onto it and vote at the polls. I'm not sure how it works, but I know that at least the D.O.E. people record the returned ballots by placing them in slots by precinct. You can simply bash how many absentees have arrived from a particular district against a DeLeon index and (if your precinct profile is accurate), you have a good idea how you're doing in the absentee vote well before election day. I just don't trust absentees (stats show they're the most abused element in elections) and neither should you.

3. Green volunteers are the best. Vicki Leidner, for instance, has done volunteer work for at least a half dozen campaigns that I know of and keeps busy with Code Pink in her spare time. Jazzy Collins has worked at least that many campaigns tho I'm not even certain she's a Green. Daly put 175 people into the streets from his 16th & Mission headquarters and a bunch of them were Greens. Keefer draws 75 or better to her evening events now and has, by far, the most entertaining shows. I'd guess Keefer's volunteers to be 50% Green and 50% Demos and 'Decline to States'. Her audiences are pretty solidly 'Decline to States'. Arthur Bruzzone and I were talking demographics the other day and when he asked me to define 'liberal Democrat', I told him there hadn't been any for 10 years. Said that that segment was now included under 'Decline to State'. Yep, uh huh, that's true too. The leadership of the local Democratic party is made up of political hacks who have sold out everything from Gay rights (they endorsed Pelosi and Feinstein and Jerry Brown - all of whom refused to endorse Gay marriage), 120 million Falun Gong and thought the aforementioned Heather HIles was just peachy.

I'm off chasing rabbits there again. Let me get back on point. What I was getting at was that there are dozens of candidates out there running campaigns but there are only so many cadres of workers who have the knowledge and devotion to make a difference in the vote and ... they are heavily courted. Now, let's get to my picks and why I'm voting for them and, keep in mind, these choices in no way reflect the opinions of Fog City Journal.

I voted for 23 of the 92 candidates. I chose 11 Greens, 10 Democrats, 1 Republican and 1 Libertarian. I voted against 1 candidate (voted not to retain William R. McGuiness on the 9th Appeals Court because he wrote their homophobic opinion holding that gays should not have the right to marry one another in California). Here they be:

State

Governor

I'll call this one an 'SF Guardian' syle endorsement. I voted (or, will on election day - I don't vote early or absentee) for the Green Party candidate, Peter Camejo. Peter is the smartest and I like his politics the best. As a human being, I despise him. He damned near punched Medea Benjamin at a reception at Matt Gonzalez's law firm last year. He's made destroying the local Green Party a mission and has made bringing in carpet-bagging ISO forces and attacks on local Green candidates a staple. He's a deeply disturbed megalomaniac and the fact that he's best suited to be our next governor should truly frighten voters.

Peter Camejo

Lt. Governor

I'm supporting Libertarian, Lynette Shaw for a very simple reason. She came to our first 'Free Josh Wolf' fundraiser along with other Libertarians and they gave money for Josh and they cared. The Democrat (Garamendi) is strictly a spoils politician owned by whomever gave him his last pile of cash. The Republican (McClintock) is a fundamentalist nut case who should be checked for a belly button. And, the Green? This was supposed to be the race Matt Gonzalez walked away with. Instead, he's spending his energy standing shoulder-to-shoulder with Camejo against the local Green Party. How very sad.

Secretary of State

The 'Nader rule' is in effect for this one. I'd love to vote for Forrest Hill because he's the best candidate ... and, he is. Problem is, he has no chance and the difference in the Democratic and Republican alternatives is so pronounced that I have to invoke the Nader call. Sorry, Forrest.

Forrest Hill

This race is about Republican voting machines and they are more dangerous than the Borg. We may, in fact, be too late to get rid of these machines by any method short of a revolution but at least the Democrat's Debra Bowen realizes their danger. Although she'd probably have a different opinion of the machines if they were produced by companies run by Democratic Party hacks, connect those arrows next to Bowen's name and cross your fingers and pray the machine you're voting on isn't already rigged.

Controller

I chose Green, Laura Wells as she's qualified and honest. As usual, the Democratic and Republican candidates are simply party hacks beholden to their wealthy masters.

Treasurer

I'm voting for the Democrat, Bill Lockyer because even Randy Shaw sometimes gets one right. While I forget why the hell he endorsed Lockyer (go to beyondchron.com & key word 'Lockyer') I have notes right here saying that 'even Randy Shaw sometimes gets one right' and I'm sticking with this endorsement because as we used to say back in Missouri: "Even a blind hog finds some acorns."

Bill Lockyer

Attorney General

Jerry Brown all the way. Because Jerry is a consistently arrogant, amazingly honest, extremely talented and hard working dick head. Brown's institutional memory is his chief value here. In fact, I'd like to see him become our next insufferably arrogant governor. Again.

Jerry Brown

Insurance Commissioner

I'm voting Green all the way on this one. That's Larry Cafiero. It's an easy choice. You have a career politician (Bustamante), a billionaire weasel (Poizner) and a Green newspaper editor. For once, I'm going to put aside my general distaste for all editors in general. Poizner has spent 50 million dollars buying negative advertising over the last couple of years. It's the Republican mantra: 'If you can't tell lies about your opponents, why buy ads?'. Poizner's poison perturbs people and I ain't alone on that one. And, Bustamante? Hey, I have all of these sexual references I could make about Cruz and Indian slot machines but I have too much class for that. What are you laughing at?

Board of Equalization, District 1

Hey, I don't even know what the hell the 'Board of Equalization' does. Sometimes they send me threatening bills accusing me of not paying taxes on my extensive oil and gas holdings but other than that, they're a complete mystery to me.

The Democratic candidate isn't a mystery. She's a shill for the local SF Downtown cabal and has been for many years. The Republican is, well, a Republican. Sooo, since I've decided that the task of the Board of Equalization is to keep things unequal on the side of the rich, I'm endorsing Libertarian, Kennita Watson in an attempt to instill some chaos. That, and there's no Green candidate.

Federal

United States Senator

Let's see, the Democratic incumbent, Feinstein is a greedy, capitalist, zionist war profiteer. The Republican sounds like someone you'd meet at the Power Exchange ('Dick Mountjoy'?). I'm backing the Green, Todd Chretien, who not only looks like Trotsky but also wants to start a revolution. While I'm too old and cowardly to fight, I'm always glad to see my candidates mix it up.

Todd Chretien

United States Representative (District 8)

This is actually a City office (District is wholly within SF boundaries) but is listed as federal so's the League of Women Voters here can refuse to schedule a debate in which Pelosi would get creamed. Local LWV President, Jody Sanford, not so surprisingly, works for Pelosi. Bit of conflict there?

Not for Nancy or the local press who also ignore the fact that Pelosi steered billions in reclaimed military base land to Lennar developers while her nephew was a Senior V.P. there. Not to mention that Pelosi (along with Feinstein and Jerry Brown) refuses to endorse Gay marriage.

Impeach Bush? Not on Nancy's 'to do' list.

Free state for Palestinians? Nope, Pelosi gives the Israelis a blank check on any and all aggression.

The cornerstones of Krissy Keefer's campaign are: 'U.S. Out of Iraq, Impeach Bush and Stop Global Warming'. Dance Mission's Artistic Director is a long advocate of the Palestinian cause, opposes Zionism and admires Hugo Chavez and Fidel Castro.

Pelosi sucks and the Republican candidate (Mike DeNunzio) is worse. He couldn't get closer to Bush without having sex with him. The Libertarian, Phil Zimt Berg, is a nice guy who wants to abolish rent control and favors Prop 90 which will do all that and more.

That leaves us with Green Party candidate, Krissy Keefer who has had a tougher fight than any candidate in your 192 page voter information pamphlet. Endorsed by Matt Gonzalez, she withstood an attempt to dump her by an old boys' network that included Tim Redmond, Randy Shaw, Larry Bensky, Jim Dorenkott, Enrique Pierce and Whitney Leigh.

Krissy Keefer

Essentially, the Gonzalez inner-corp. All men against one woman, all claiming to be Progressives. And, losing their write-in campaign hasn't stopped them. To a man, they've continued to undermine the Keefer effort. Bensky bragged on his show as recently as this morning (10-22-06) that he'd tried to replace the lefty activist dance icon. These sexist fuckers have no shame with their near monopoly of media access to the Progressive community. They have been a tougher foe in this campaign than Pelosi could ever have been. Truth is that these guys have a huge stake in keeping the Keefer vote down.

Vote for Keefer, not just because she's the best candidate. Vote for her as a protest to all those who have tried to derail her campaign, have shown an inexcusable lack of support for her campaign, and continue to undermine her for no reason than petty sour grapes.

Ironic isn't it? All of the attacks upon the warrior queen have come from within her own 'alliance'.

State Assembly

I'm voting for Republican, Ramiro Maldonado, Jr. because he's never lied to me. Mark Leno lied to me when he went to Sacramento 4 years back. He promised me he'd introduce legislation to give California counties the right to legalize prostitution within their jursidictions if they so desired. He didn't do it and just laughed when I asked for an explanation.

Judges

I normally don't vote either way on these 'retain or not retain' votes on judges. Who the hell knows who these people are anyway? Now and then though, one commits an act so egregious that it warrants an entire campaign to remove them. Such as write an opinion for the District 1 Court of Appeal denying Gay Californians the right to all the legal benefits of Same Sex Marriage. Vote NO on William R. McGuiness.

School Boards

San Francisco School Board

Vote for 'the 3 Kims'. That's easy to remember. All female. All Progressive.

Jane Kim

Kim-Shree Maufas

Kim Knox

Community College Board

The District administration, like their SFUSD counterparts, do not serve the public interests. We need a majority of Progressives on the Board to bring them into line. I chose Bruce Wolfe, John Rizzo and Lawrence Wong.

You can't go wrong with Wolfe, Rizzo, Wong!

City and County Offices

Assessor-Recorder

The office holder is a Democratic Party hack. Who is running unopposed. I'm leaving my own ballot blank for this office.

Public Defender

Jeff Adachi is, in my opinion, the second best elected official in San Francisco. The first, in my opinion, is Sheriff Michael Hennessey. I'd love to do an IRV ballot for mayor next year where I got to rank them one and two with Daly third. Vote for Adachi.

Jeff Adachi

Supervisor in District 6

Bulldog columnist extraordinaire, Jim Meko handicapped this race most accurately. He called it: "Chris Daly and the 7 Dwarfs". Indeed it is. Daly is my first choice for mayor next year. He's easily the star of the 'Class of 2000'.

Chris Daly

No supervisor has a more troubled district. And, no supervisor has done more for the people of his district than Daly has for D-6 over these past 6 years. Only the cops and mayor hate Daly. That's because he calls upon them to do their jobs and they refuse. The mayor and cops complain that Daly hasn't done enough for Public Safety when it is their job.

The cops in the Tenderloin, for example, have the smallest district in the City, by far. Yet, they're too lazy and chickenshit to walk the beat. And, they've cut their arrests by 25% because they say they're: "afraid of being sued".

So, let me get this straight; they don't do their job and it's someone else's fault?

The mayor is the biggest joke in this city. He's scared shitless to make the cops do their job. When he complained to POA chief, Gary Delagnes that his occasional jogs to work through the Tenderloin took him past the same hookers and drug dealers, Delagnes told him to: "Jog to work a different way."

The arrogance of a lazy and cowardly police force and the mayor's unwillingness to confront them are the reasons the Tenderloin is dangerous. Believe me, I've lived in this neighborhood the better part of the last 25 years and the problem is cops and mayors.

The District supervisor is the only one who listens to you.

Think the place is dirty? Guess who appoints the head of the DPW? Why, it's the mayor!!

And, who do you think Muhammed Nuru listens to, Gavin or Chris?

Just another example of the mayor blaming Chris for something Gavin doesn't have the balls to do. Is Chris responsible for Gavin's divorce too?

I'll be voting my IRV selection as:

1. Chris Daly

2. George Diaz

3. Robert Jordan

That's all I have on my ballot. I wanted to weigh in on the remainder of the supe's races though and endorse Barry Hermanson in his contest against Fiona Ma.

District 2

Is dominated by the most selfish, intolerant, elitist ... forest destroying, oil pumping, immigrant baiting, war mongering racists imaginable. I cannot imagine them being better represented by anyone other than their current representative, Michela Alioto-Pier.

District 4

Ron Dudum is the best candidate here by far. He knows the district and is an honest man. Doug Chan is a duplicitous lackey whose most recent accomplishment was selling out police reform just before he quit the Police Commission. Janryk Mak has been doing Fiona Ma's job cause Ma's lazy as an SFPD sargeant in a cruiser. That's enough reason right there to vote against her. Abandon IRV for this one and vote for Ron Dudum all by himself.

District 8

They used to say that the best thing a candidate could do before an election was to have a front page picture of them rescuing a baby from a burning building. Wellll, how's about a front page photo of you rescuing a newborn infant from a scurillous attack by a right-wing homophobic sleaze-ball radio show host?

District 8 has become a domain dominated by self-absorbed gay Yuppies. Whereas, Bevan Dufty's principal challenger here is a self-absorbed straight Yuppie. Her last accomplishment of any note was as Willie Brown's appointee to the presidency of the Elections Commission where she delayed IRV for over a year. Big choice, huh?

As usual, the only genuine alternative for the office is the Libertarian candidate, Starchild. Frankly, I think the Castro has become an uptight, anal retentive junior chamber of commerce zone. I think all SF party hounds would welcome the opportunity to visit a kind of retro-Castro, full of the chaos and danger that a Starchild victory would insure. And, since the jaw-droppingly handsome, candidate works part-time as a switch-hitting male escort for hire, it would be the only district where, for a few bucks, you would have the opportunity to screw your supervisor before they screw you.

Starchild

District 10

Sophie Maxwell is her own best customer. I'm convinced she actually gets to believing the bulshit that Greg Assay feeds her daily. "Now look into my eyes, Sophie. The Redevelopment Agency is gooood for black people. And, you can trust Home Depot. Lennar Developers are fine people." Crap like that year after year. Selling out to one corporation after another.

Marie Harrison for District 10 supervisor. It was Harrison's years of reporting on the disastrous effects of the Hunters Point Power Plant that finally got it closed. In a scene reminiscent of 'Working Girl' (with Marie playing Melanie Griffith's part), Maxwell shut Harrison out of the ceremonies where the plant was shuttered and tried to take credit for all of Harrison's work. That was low down and Sophie didn't have to do it. Harrison for D-10 supervisor.

Other

Barry Hermanson over Fiona Ma. Ma's a scoundrel who is only interested in power for power's sake. Her contributors care about power to seize public funds and property. Ma has never disappointed them. Hermanson spent a quarter century placing San Franciscans in decent paying jobs. He's a scion of the Green Party and has always been a major supporter of Tom Ammiano. Vote for Barry and sleep with a clear conscience.

Anybody over Leland Yee

Conclusion

The biggest upset in the history of the U.S. Congress will occur in 16 days when Krissy Keefer, against all odds, rides the tide of the 75% of Americans who despise congress.. Trust me on this. I've read the books and nothing like this has ever happened. Upshot will be that Bush and Cheney and Rumsfield will go to prison. That's because Keefer has promised that her first act will be to move for articles of impeachment. And, as a second, she's looking at legislation to remove the power of any president to pardon any other president, vice president, cabinet member or member of either house of Congress, past or present.

You think that won't get us out of Iraq?

Dudum will win in 4. That's the only change I see on the Board of Supes. The money Donald Fisher has been spending advertising for Chris Daly could well make Chris our next mayor. The '3 Kims' will win seats on the school Board (just don't sit them next to each other).

I'm clueless on the College Board. Like I said, I like: 'Wolfe, Rizzo, Wong'.

You all know how I hate to cause trouble. However, in this case, I'm gonna risk it by asking local Greens to vote for Debra Bowen for Secretary of State. Leaving the Republican voting machines under the control of a Republican Secretary of State is just too big a risk.

Now go away and leave me alone.

h. brown is a 62 year-old keeper of sfbulldog.com, an eclectic site featuring a half dozen City Hall denizens. h is a former sailor, firefighter, teacher, nightclub owner, and a hard-living satirical muckraker. Email h at h@ludd.net.

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