COURT JESTERINGS

With h brown

Photo(s) by Luke Thomas

Court Jester breaks down San Francisco 2006 election results

November 8, 2006

By h. Brown

"Medic! Medic!! Medicccc!!!"

(Jim Sutton reading election results)

I went to pick up Luke Thomas right before the polls closed. We were headed to City Hall to watch the sharks watch the sharks watching the sharks watching the sharks watching the election returns.

Having Thomas and his camera nearby is better than having two Sicilians with AK-47's. The camera is much more dangerous to politicians and their manipulators. Hardly anyone will attack you if someone is taking their picture.

The usual suspects were in attendance along with Mr. Usual Suspect himself, Alex Clemens. The RBA's Joe Cassidy was there with 3 cheerful Irish builders. I introduced them as Misters "Shorenstein, Fisher and Hellman". They got a kick out of it and so did I.

RBA members Angus McCarthy, Joe Cassidy, John O'Conner and Richard Hart.

I ragged on Tim Redmond coming into the Hall, then relented in light of the fact that he and the Guardian remain our primary source for truth in the printed media. I talked to Kim Maufus whom I think was the only candidate there (congrats, Kim) and hissed at David Latterman to keep the universe balanced.

Luke's camera went on the blink when we were trying to take Chris Bowman's picture (Republicans do that). I ragged on Gavin's Board liaison Wade Crowfoot about how the Board should sustain the mayor's veto of their foot patrol legislation and let him bring on his 'plan'. I taunted Eric Steinberg, head of the City Hall Audio Visual Department about the early returns showing the Democrats winning congress.

I got photographed with Charles Kalish who said he was scared to go to Krissy's party because he hadn't done a single thing for her this race but hadn't helped anyone until 2 weeks ago when the Daly sirens started wailing.

The Court Jester is photographed with Charles Kalish.

I kept trying to figure out who was winning and who was losing and why and looking forward to the rum cake and champagne. Lemme see now, how did it all turn out?

Jim Sutton was the biggest loser in yesterday's election. He was also the biggest winner. That's the way things go around these parts. Don't try to understand it, just take my word for it. Simply put, he spent more money on losing causes than anyone in town. That's his downside. On the upside, he spent more money on losing causes than anyone in town. Money; there's just something about that word.

Other losers:

Peter Camejo

Time to put the wealthy South American yachtsman out to pasture. Keefer beat 7 of his 9 state and federal candidates and lost to the other 2 by less than 1%. Peter is not just a loser. He's a divisive loser.

Peter Camejo

Donald Fisher

He swore he'd bring down Daly. Turns out he gave all that money to SFSOS for nothing. In a just world, he'd do a Steinbrenner and fire Wade Randlett and Ryan Chamberlain and bring in Jack Davis and Rob Anderson to crush those bike riding anarchists.

Donald Fisher

Gavin Newsom

Hey, I like Gavin. I really do. But, face it, this guy's had a tough season. His wife divorced him and is gloriously happy with her new hubby and a new bambino. You gotta sympathize with his inability to hold onto a starlet or model. Word is he's been drinking waaay tooo much (I hear you, Mr. Mayor).

Then, the cops told him to jam it and Shorenstein bitch-slapped him on the C3 parking legislation. Now, it turns out that, as suspected, he can't pick candidates either. Who would have thought that a half million or so in lipstick couldn't make Rob Black look like Madonna?

Hell, Black would have had a better chance of winning if he'd dressed in drag and dated Pat Murphy for the entire campaign. Buy me a drink, Gavin and I'll give you some advice: All 6 of my wives left me for other guys, so I can, like, relate.

Bulletin

Send your prayers (if you do that) and best thoughts out to Hero Hampton, born 2 days ago with some chest cavity problems that necessitated surgery. All looks well but best vibes to Adriel, wife Yuki and little Hero.

Christ, that's a change of pace isn't it? Things like that should give you perspective, I guess.

Winners:

Krissy Keefer

The most dangerous activist to turn candidate since Chris Daly 7 years ago. She's a great speaker and writer and a tremendous stage presence. Every glam moment of the just passed campaign season came from the Keefer camp led by Sue Vaughan and Susan King and Denise D'Anne. From primary election day when she and her Taiko pounding dancers decorated a motor home and welcomed Mayor Newsom to Medjools, to her performances at Mani-Festi-Val the weekend before the vote.

Krissy Keefer

John Burton

You don't get many better days than John had yesterday. The Burton family had a lock on the California District 8 representative to the U.S. Congress (big brother Phil who built the machine with Willie Brown held the seat first, then John himself, then Phil's widow, Sala - I might have the order wrong, but bottom line is that the Burton machine has held that office for over 30 years).

Eddie Epstein of the Chron waxes poetic about John going to Sala's deathbed and getting the word that Pelosi was her choice in the succession. Now, Sala's protege' will be the first female Speaker of the House. John's protege's aren't doing badly either. First, there's Fiona Ma.

She's headed for the state assembly having completed her middle years interning (after a stint in John's office) at the SF Board of Supes. Big John (did you know he was like some kind of All American basketball player or something at SF State before he went to Hastings?)

Anyway, John funded and guided Fiona Ma into the state legislature and Chris Daly back for another 4 more years. John is certainly the wizard behind the SF Progressive curtain at this point. Notice, as one reader pointed out, that Daly didn't endorse Adachi when Jeff was running against Burton's daughter, Kimiko.

Congratulations to the current Burton patriarch.

John Burton

Jane Kim

An argument could easily be made that Kim is now the top dog of the Gang Green. At 29 years of age and already head of the SFPO, Kim got 8 times the votes Ross Mirkarimi received in attaining his first elective office.

Jane Kim (left)with jailed journalist Josh Wolf
and San Francisco wi-fi guru Kimo Crossman.

Luke Thomas

The Fog City Journal chief was locked out of the SanFranciscoSentinel.com less than 60 days ago and rebounded immediately to create his own publication which now rules this band of the local political scene. The piano/guitar playing composer also found time to follow Mayor's Office of Economic Development deputy, Rich Hillis, into in-vitro twin-daddyship.

The adorable Rachael (top) and Elsa Thomas-McAllister, born 6/11/6.

Congrats yet again to Bevan Dufty who also took that route. Shit, I guess I'm not the only one in town not getting any pussy.

Supervisors Bevan Dufty and Michela Alioto-Pier get snuggly with Dufty's new progeny, Sidney Maely Goldfader-Dufty, at Tuesday's Board of Supervisors meeting.
Sidney was born 10/2/6.

John Rizzo

The former Sierra Club prez got more votes than any Green in the City, pulling down 47,422 tallies and a share of 17.66% in his run for Community College Board.

Barry Hermanson

Who managed to get water out rocks in being the second most popular Green per capita in the City. The retired maven got 13.94% of the available vote in the Gobi desert of Fiona Ma land.

Emily Drennen

Ran up 22,000 votes and a 41.75% share in a BART board race against Republican, James Fang whose family owns newspapers and politicians up the ying yang. It took a last minute Chronicle campaign of lies and deception to beat Drennen.

Final thoughts

Want to know just how special San Francisco is and how lucky you are to live here? Go to sfgov.org/election. Go to state propositions. Start clicking on the far right column that reads: 'Maps'. It's a representation of what the people in California's 50 or so counties feel about things like 'parental consent vs. right to choice' and public financing of state races and whether to tag George Michael. And, great thing is, the maps are color coded by political opinion and stamped with percentage breakdowns of how many in each area voted yey or ney.

Most of the charts are pretty much what you'd figure. Progressive voters seek the ocean. San Francisco, Marin and Santa Cruz are the most liberal voters across the board with Mendocino County just a hair back.

But, there were two issues state voters in every single jurisdiction agreed upon. Except us. Those are: 'Public financing of state political races' and 'Tagging sex offenders'. Only San Francisco favored balancing the playing field for 3rd party and beyond candidates for state office. And, only San Francisco thought tagging George Michael was a bad idea.

You gotta look at those two charts. SF is this little tiny Green speck in the center of this enormous red sea of greed and intolerance. It made me proud and a bit scared at the same time. Like lots of you, I'm under constant pressure from the forces of gentrification and what's past our City limits? A sea of red.

Hug someone.

h. brown is a 62 year-old keeper of sfbulldog.com, an eclectic site featuring a half dozen City Hall denizens. h is a former sailor, firefighter, teacher, nightclub owner, and a hard-living satirical muckraker. Email h at h@ludd.net.

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