COURT JESTERINGS

With h brown

Photo(s) by Luke Thomas

The Privatization of San Francisco
(art, land, exotic animals, commissions and more)

By h. brown

February 11, 2007

I am a drunken adulterer

(Possible Delancey necklace)

My Press spokesman says I'm a liar

(another fair sign)

Did you know that part of the therapy at Delancey Street involves such confrontational tactics as making the patients wear signs proclaiming their vices? And, that group therapy can involve being screamed at and insulted for your sins?

It sounds a lot like where I went to grade school in St. Louis and I'm not all that certain that Gavin Newsom could take much of that without jumping off his balcony at City Hall. The morning Chronicle reported that Gavin went to sessions at Delancey Street every night last week for 4 hours. No wonder he looked beat to shit in his Bay View appearance. No wonder he's rumored to be flying to Japan this week. Stay away from the sake, Mr. Mayor. But, would you bring me some back?

Really, what's next for this guy? His wife dumps him for a younger, richer and better-looking guy (hasn't that happened to everyone?) … he gets caught in the sack with his best friend's wife - drunk - at least (who hasn't had that happen to them at least once or twice too?) … Then, your spokesman who is supposed to make you look good to the world calls you a liar. You're paying him and he's calling you a liar?

The Junto chat room starts an AA chapter in your honor. People have started an altar with teddy bears and candles across the street from your office. Donald Fisher's mouthpiece writes an open letter to all of your major donors (SFSOS missive) calling you a loser. Ken Garcia announces that he's no longer carrying your picture in his wallet. Dianne Feinstein wishes you a swift recovery but stops short of endorsing you for re-election. Bevan Dufty says he never knows which Gavin will show up and that he will gladly support one of them for mayor but not the other one.

Daly insulted at Bulldog Salon

OK, only by me, but I like to challenge all of our guests, especially if they're 'prominent'. It was our best Salon ever. No shit. It was pouring rain and all layers of my clothes were soaked by the time I arrived. We usually get 8 or 10 folks over a 2-hour period. 15 is exceptional and then, you need good weather and a hot topic everyone wants to pick each other's brains and get advice on and stuff like that.

Friday we got 25! The week before that, we got around 15 but I figured that was the Newsom scandals (be still, my heart). We keep this up and we're gonna need a bigger boat.

There was a lady there who said she was from Sonoma and that Joe Nation had phoned the office of the Bike Coalition type place she was working at there and asked what they'd think of his candidacy for California senate, district 3.

You pick up tidbits like that. My friends, the Cohens up in Penn Grove had heard much the same thing. That means Leno and Migden and Nation and maybe, Joe Veronese. Rumors persist that Angela's boy might be near ready to toss his North Beach beret out there too.

I harangued Daly to enter the race for mayor but he fended me off. I again pushed the '3 Progressives Slate' theory but Chris ain't that hot about RCV anyway. I countered that a slate of he and Adachi and Keefer would bring in 3 totally different core bases.

Someone said that Adachi couldn't get the old Taiwanese-Chinese vote because of the Nanking massacre. I hadn't even thought about that. Someone else said that it didn't matter because they were a minority and they'd pulled him through against Burton anyway. One guy kept going 'ka ching! Ka ching!' until we asked what he meant. He said that Jeff would immediately be the most prominent Japanese-American and a smart staff could raise money for him from Hawaii to New York City.

Salon goes like that. Keefer's got 13,000 votes to hold up at any pow wow now. Daly's volcanic eruption of across-the-board support in his re-election race makes him top dog in my book but he insists his negatives are too high. Tell that to the other Mayor Daly's present and past, says I.

Aufdencamp did photos

Kubla did a short video that Luke may or may not be able to attach here. Thomas likes to relax at Salon. He's drawn a bevy of other photographers from Michael Strickland to Chris Gramly. Tina Johnson chatted with Daly for whom she's been an office volunteer (back off, Gavin!). Janet Tandy came from damned near Daly City, in the rain, bad hip and all. Joe Lynn and Marc Salomon gathered, speaking in a corner and that's scary. Dave Snyder brought a colleague from Spur to meet our cabal and one of Kamala Harris' top strategy people (forget her name, used to work for Babs Kaufman and looks like Laura Spanjan) … coincidentally sat just out of the circle behind Daly and took notes. I saw Laura Spanjan, coincidentally, on the way to Salon and thought she was this other lady and told Laura Spanjan that I always confused her with Laura Spanjan and she says that maybe it's because she's Laura Spanjan. There, I'm sure I must have misspelled 'Spanjan' and if I did misspell 'Spanjan', then I wanted to set a record for misspelling a name in a paragraph. Don't feel bad, Ms. Spanjan, it took me 4 years to spell Salomon right. Or, is it Solomon? Or, was it Soloman? Well shit.

La Reina's is a great place. 1550 Howard. Salon's been there for a year and a half or so. Food's great. Staff is super nice and friendly. Offshoot of Cancun's on Mission if you want to get your bearings straight (once I was walking in the rain - I like doing that - and one of the guys from Cancun who also works La Reina's saw me and came running out offering me an umbrella to take home - they're that kind of people). The beer is $3.25 for major Mexican imports. People bought me 3 this week and I've found that I only consume 2 under conditions of intense bullshit sessions like Salon.

Odds and ends and odd ends

Did you know that when Jake McGoldrick beat Mabel Teng in 2000, he also beat Eric Jaye and Warren Hellman? Yep, Jaye was her consultant and Hellman was her treasurer. I picked this up from RPMmini on Junto. He's 'Randle Patrick' and ran the McGoldrick campaign which he notes was down 45% to 22% in November and came on to win in December. Damn, that must have felt good.

Eileen Left couldn't be here (no whiskey) but sent an email telling me to put in a good word for Peter Ragone because he's a source of hers and has been leaking information to her for the last 3 years.

Sue Vaughan wrote to say that I should have listed the Presidio as one of the local public properties to have been privatized. I'd say that I couldn't see the forest for the trees, but Pelosi has marked most of the trees in the Presidio for destruction anyway.

The Board of Supervisors heard an unbinding resolution wishing the Mayor the best of luck and a speedy recovery. It failed.

The L.A. Times credited Newsom with authorship of the SF Health Care plan which was, in fact, created by Tom Ammiano and his staff working with that community for over 3 years. Perhaps the Mayor lied to them about it. Or, more likely, he lied to Peter Ragone and Ragone, through no fault of his own, passed on the lie to the Times. That's almost as bad as the time he went around in Davos telling everyone he was the Head of the U.S. Mayors' Homeless Caucus, when in fact, he was only a member (like all mayors) and had missed 5 of the 6 meetings of the body.

But, hey, would you rather ski with sleek teen blondes in the Alps or rub shoulders with a bunch of smelly ethnic mayors?

"I don't think you're going to find another
job where they let you shoot people."

('The Bean' recruits 'Freebie')

Well, there is the Army, but they sometimes prosecute you if you shoot the wrong people. Next column will be for my buddies over at the SFPD. I've been neglecting them and they've been busy, busy, busy.

And, welcome back to Rob Anderson who disappeared from the ether sphere (was I the only one who noticed?) for almost 2 weeks and then came back and hasn't mentioned bikes? Rehab with the Mayor? A lobotomy?

Put it on ebay.

h. brown is a 62 year-old keeper of sfbulldog.com, an eclectic site featuring a half dozen City Hall denizens. h is a former sailor, firefighter, teacher, nightclub owner, and a hard-living satirical muckraker. Email h at h@ludd.net.

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