COURT JESTERINGS

With h brown

San Francisco mayoral candidate, h. "Court Jester" Brown.
Photo(s) by Luke Thomas

Court Jester crosses paths with Matt Gonzalez
(for real)

"Why would I have a poll if I'm not a candidate?"

"I don't want to talk to you guys cause you're journalists."

"Maybe you should lose 10 lbs and enter the race."

(Matt Gonzalez dances in sun at Dolores Park)

By h. brown

July 5, 2007

I had one hell of a good time at the Mime Troupe's opening in Dolores Park yesterday and I wasn't alone. Lord, Lord, what an incredibly beautiful day. The clarity of view from the Green Party perch that Sue Vaughan and John-Marc Chardonia and Erika McDonald had staked out on the crest of the lush grassy knoll next to the path … with their big sign as a beacon. It all boded well as I ascended from the Tenderloin and picked up the hashish to deliver to a cancer patient at the show. I chuckled to think back on all the times I'd gone there to buy cheap weed in the years before Prop 215.

You can't find happiness or good memories. They find you. The show was a great place to look though, if that's what you had in mind. I'd started the day writing a column on the Ethics Commission's ties to corporate America and been interrupted with a call to pick up some pot product for a patient in pain. That always takes precedence.

I had a beer with Krissy Keefer at the new Café Trieste on Market around Gough or so (she drank coffee) while I waited for the pot dispensary to open. I had a stack of notes from a Gonzalez phone poll Luke Thomas had sussed out a couple of days before and I went over the questions with Krissy.

(All questions on a scale of 1-5 with 5 being most unfavorable)

What is your impression of:

Dianne Feinstein?

Chris Daly?

Nancy Pelosi?

Gavin Newsom?

Aaron Peskin?

Kamala Harris?

Art Agnos?

Matt Gonzalez?

Tony Hall?

Your district supervisor?

There were push questions listing Newsom's accomplishments and others pushing those of Gonzalez. It was an extensive survey and I'm guessing it set the RBA (don't know for certain) back $20,000 or so.

Matt Gonzalez with RBA clan members Angus McCarthy,
Richard Hart and RBA Chieftain Sean Keighran.
File photo, 1/8/7

Polls are like guns and knives. They can serve a useful purpose, or they can be used to take lives. This one sounded pretty neutral. Someone was trying to get an honest baseline a month out from the candidate filing deadline for Mayor and from the rumors, Thomas and I had concluded that it must be the Gonzo camp. A couple of hours later and we were able to ask the man himself.

Matt Gonzalez extends a shaking hand to his nemesis h. Brown

"Hey, I heard you lost weight but it don't look it!"

(Bulldog incites Gonzo from 50 yards)

Two questions, Matt: Why did you get into politics?
Do you consider yourself a man of the people?

He was tossing a Frisbee with Cat Rauschuber when we spotted them. The show was just ending and we'd been grabbing shots of me groveling at the feet of 'Dick Cheney' and 'Condi Rice' and others of the cast of the troupe's most right-on production in years (core themes are the perversion of free press into a propaganda machine, gays in the military, phony ribbon-cuttings for heartless officials - 'Hi Gavin!') … that sort of thing.

Team Matt and Cat preparing to catch Steve Jones' frisbee.

Thomas was there with poison-pen cub gossip columnist (she called me a paranoid drunk - pretty accurate actually) … Luke was there with Elaine Santore and he and I sat sipping whiskey next to the Green Party station (there was a Henry George booth across the way!) … and, I wondered what kind of shots he could get from a hundred yards from the stage with that fancy camera.

Condi Rice zaps Biggus Dickus Cheney back to life.

Annie Garrison hauled in a bunch of chilled bottles of water and Liam WhatsHisName passed them out and soaked in the sun. I took mental notes of how many configurations the Troupe was able to get out of their simple plywood sets which rotated on separate axes and featured reversible panels with a variety of hinged and sliding openings. The pit band kicked ass.

"My God, look at the body on Steven Jones!"

(all the girls and half the guys in our party)

h. Brown worships at the feet
of San Francisco Bay Guardian's alpha male Steven T. Jones

The Guardian's City Editor was playing Frisbee with sweetheart, Alix Rosenthal (that's lasted a long time, huh?) … he was wearing shorts and had stripped his hairy-bear body to the waist. That's when I saw Gonzalez and launched one of my one-man paparazzi attacks on him.

Tommi Avicolli-Mecca (who shuns me unless I'm with someone 'famous', then is like, all friendly) … Tommi sidled up to watch me grill Matt (he's down a good 25 lbs from his 2003 fighting weight) futilely. Matt's down the pounds, I mean. Tommi probably hasn't gained or lost an ounce in 25 years and I hate him for it.

I taunted the Left's most prominent politician about abandoning Daly and creating division amongst the Greens and his lousy taste in casual wear but he kept it together and I didn't learn shit.

Walk it off boys.

There's lots more (we went to Zeitgeist for bunches of margaritas - wouldn't let Luke film - then to Jens') but, that's actually enough for this piece. It was a truly wonderful day and I hadn't expected it when I woke up. You can just never tell.

I gotta get back to my piece on the corporatization of the Ethics Commission.

Please stand back 500' from the truck.

Photo Extra

h Brown gets a bit of Condi Rice leg...

... and a thighful of Vice President Dick Cheney.

Stand Up for the Burrup

h. brown is a 62 year-old keeper of sfbulldog.com, an eclectic site featuring a half dozen City Hall denizens. h is a former sailor, firefighter, teacher, nightclub owner, and a hard-living satirical muckraker. Email h at h@ludd.net.

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