COURT JESTERINGS

With h. brown

h. "Court Jester" brown
Photo(s) by Luke Thomas

Tiger bites Court Jester during Capricorn Birthday Fest

"I, like, totally thought you were vegetarian"

By h. brown

December 31, 2007

I started it by biting her first. We were all talking about cats biting and our experiences with cats from tigers to house kitty cats and a couple of people got bitten. It's as simple as that.

Don't believe the tabloid accounts. While it is true that there was quite a bit of liquor consumed and that several nameless individuals were clearly three sheets to the wind, that was not enough to account for my lingering thoughts some 12 hours later. Huh? (Imagine Luke Thomas playing original compositions in the background with Phil on guitar).

It was Sue 'Sweet Sue' Vaughan's birthday party for her and fellow Capricorns, Karen 'Sigourney' Babbitt, Bob 'take it to the house' Brigham and Elaine 'One wrinkle and I'm outta here' Santore -- plus, it's my grandson Wesley's 2nd birthday today.

'Sweet' Sue Vaughan

Birthday gal Sue Vaughan bites a chunk out of h. brown during an impromptu end of year progressive convention, held in the kitchen of Alexandra Jones bohemian museum.

You having fun?

This has been my best housesit ever. All of our love and affection for Bulldog Empress, Alexandra Jones and continuing thanks for the opportunity for us to get out of our little rooms and host parties in your magnificent digs.

Going from a Tenderloin SRO to a million buck TIC for 18 days? Beyond priceless. I cooked the best turkey I ever did. My best friends and their children came in and shopped, and I put them up in Ax's luscious master bedroom while cats Zazu and Zzyyzzy and I reclined before the front room's triple-bay windows across from the piano, and watched the moon approach, go full and then fade as 2007 departs and 2008 cautiously enters.

Gonzalez rejects olive wreath

I sent an invite to Matt Gonzalez to join us for Sue's party last night. Told him to bring his posse. No response.

He's a hell of a guy and a great politician and I hope he'll come back and join us tonight at the New Year's Eve party (at Ax's). The New Year is a great time for reconciliation, guy.

Tonight I'm calling myself the 'overflow party' for those who are either inbetween parties or just want to have a drink with Jens and I at Ax's.

Last night

Damn, I have great friends. As Elaine Santore explains to some angry guest: "It's just h being h." Lord, I'd probably spend most of my time in the hospital or jail without my friends. I'm incorrigible. And, profane. I'm also a loyal and a very hard-working friend. I'm well rewarded.

I harassed Rick Hauptman and called the DCCC a 'useless cadre of hacks' and got a hair of a rise. I flirted ceaselessly with Vaughan and Babbitt and tried to chase away the other males. Meaningless. Almost everyone is gay.

Rick Hauptman: "I've seen that picture of you, Marc, and I've got some mistletoe."

Enrique brings me a cigar from Cuba. Marc Salomon comes in and holds court over Alexandra's huge heavy beam Mission dining table with Denise D'Anne and Erika Macdonald and co-parent, John-Marc Chandonia with their the tiniest and cutest little daughter, Amy, who's ooh'ed and aah'd and scrutinizes the world from the standpoint of her 3 months on planet San Francisco.

Marc Salomon gets blown a kiss from Green Party coagulent Erika McDonald

Amy Elizabeth Chandonia, 3 months.

Enrique Asis once received an X and O from Fidel Castro.

Luke took a shot of the ladies. Susan King (minus 20 lbs?), Elaine, Vaughan, Babbit, D'Anne and Sasaneh. They represent an amazing range of beauty, sensuality and political fire before his lens.

As the year closes

I didn't get laid again and you'll be the first to know if I do and that could have something to do with my not being able to get laid.

And on. And on.

Y'all need some comfortable bases to fall back on as you move into the New Year. When you need raunchy satire (really girls, I won't tell) or edgy coverage with humor, I'm here for you.

Remember me in 2008
I'll make you immortal
But, you already were
Happy New Year!

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h. brown is a 63 year-old keeper of sfbulldog.com, an eclectic site featuring a half dozen City Hall denizens. h is a former sailor, firefighter, teacher, nightclub owner, and a hard-living satirical muckraker. Email h at h@ludd.net.

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