Journalist Evelyn Nieves is a former girlfriend of suspended Sheriff Ross Mirkarimi. Nieves lived with Mirkarimi for eight years. File photo by Luke Thomas.
By Evelyn Nieves, first published by CitiReport.com, republished with permission.
October 8, 2012
For months, I’ve watched as Ross Mirkarimi has been slandered as a “wife beater”—by the Mayor of San Francisco, no less—and vilified in the press based on lies, half-truths and innuendo. It has been heart-breaking, nauseating, to witness.
I know for a fact that Ross is no abuser. He and I were a couple for eight years. For most of that time, we lived together. Not once did Ross even come close to making me feel unsafe in his presence. He never threatened me. He would walk away or cry “uncle” rather than argue. He simply had no stomach for it.
When the news broke last January that Ross, newly elected as San Francisco’s Sheriff but not yet sworn in, might be arrested on domestic violence charges, I was sure the accusation wouldn’t stick. Not once people knew the facts.
I was naïve.
By now, everyone knows that Ross and his wife, Eliana Lopez, got in an argument in their car on New Year’s Eve. She wanted to take their toddler to her native Venezuela, and Ross, bereft the last time a one-month trip to Venezuela stretched into several, balked. Eliana moved to exit the car and Ross held her, a second too long, causing a bruise. Eliana called a friend and made a videotape of the bruise the next day in case she and Ross ended up in a custody battle. Four days later, without Ross’s wife knowing, the friend called police.
The hell that broke loose is worthy of an Errol Morris documentary. The San Francisco District Attorney, a political opponent, sent four investigators to interview all of Ross’s neighbors. That never happens in a misdemeanor case–it costs too much time and money. Anti-domestic violence advocates began calling for Ross’s head even before he was charged.
We all want to stop abusers in their tracks. But let’s make sure we are properly identifying the abuser.
Early on, in January, the Bay Citizen interviewed me. I expected the other local newspapers to contact me or pick up my quotes, which essentially said that Ross never, ever came close to abusing me. But no reporter from the local dailies that were splashing all kinds of hearsay on their front pages ever contacted me. This even after I contacted them to try to correct falsehoods being reported as fact.
I was fully prepared to testify had Ross’s case gone to trial. I knew facts that would contradict lies made to condemn him. I still wish the case had gone to trial. But at the time that Ross pled guilty to “false imprisonment” – for turning his car around to go home when the argument threatened to spill out into a restaurant he and his wife planned to enter – his lawyer told me she believed that Ross could not get a fair trial. The last straw was when the judge refused a change of venue.
So Ross pleaded guilty so he could have his wife and son back, end the hysteria and try to go and do his job.
Instead, the Mayor used Ross’s guilty plea as an excuse to suspend him without pay—without any due process—starting several more months’ of investigation, interrogation and character assassination at Ethics Commission hearings. And for what? In the end, the five-member Ethics Commission, including one appointed by the mayor in the midst of the hearing, found Ross guilty of only one charge: grabbing his wife’s arm. One member wondered what the people would say if they decided not to uphold the Mayor’s rash suspension and declaration of “official misconduct.” Well, in the few times that I’ve met with Ross in the last few months, he was stopped everywhere by people of every demographic group. Old, young, progressive, moderate, and of every ethnicity. All wanted to express their support and their contempt for what has happened to him. All blamed politics.
I had not seen Ross much in the years since we parted. I moved to another side of the city, moved in different circles. But, in essence, he has not changed much. The last time I saw him before this case exploded was before Christmas. On a Saturday morning, Ross was in his District Five Supervisor uniform—gray suit, white shirt, wingtips. He had already gone to one neighborhood meeting and was on his way to another, even though his official duties as supervisor were over and he was supposed to be on vacation. I kidded him about this, and he shrugged and said, “Well, you know me.”
I do. And so I’ll say with confidence that Ross does not deserve what he has endured. He deserves vindication, and the chance to do the job he was elected to do.
The Hunger Site
May 30, 2016 at 11:18 am
It’s not all about you, honey. Ex-girlfriends don’t make the news during criminal investigations.
October 9, 2012 at 9:54 am
good for you, evelyn! thank you for your honesty!
October 9, 2012 at 8:30 am
Irrelevant,
Ex-girlfriend Nieves
Ex-girlfriend Christina Flores
Both irrelevant.
October 9, 2012 at 12:33 pm
@920fc63a5aef1a854caf1b6b4218cfe2:disqus you say: “Irrelevant”?
After an 8 years relationship, which included living together, you can be assured that Ms Nieves is better placed than you to provide accurate information about the Sheriff’s character. Thanks.
October 9, 2012 at 8:07 am
Where is Matt Gonzalez in all this? Ross’s mentor and former boss has not said peep. What is quite clear, whether Mirkarimi is guilty of spousal abuse, is that he is not well liked.
October 9, 2012 at 8:45 am
Matt Gonzalez preferred that Ross Mirkarimi finished his full term as D5 Supervisor.
As Supervisor, Mirkarimi was popular and liked by his district. Although he has lost a significant amount of support due to his Domestic Violence debacle, he was a good fit for D5.
Gonzalez did not endorse Mirkarimi for the Sheriff’s position, he gave his full endorsement to then Captain Paul Miyamoto, and before he was suspended, Mirkarimi promoted Miyamoto to Assistant Sheriff.
Gonzalez, Adachi, Daly, Campos may wait for today’s decision. Tomorrow, I believe will be the day when everyone will have plenty to say.
October 9, 2012 at 7:03 am
Is it really domestic violence when it is a one time incident that has to do with an arm bruise that wasn’t even visible four days later at the inauguration? Is it possible that it had to do more with a conniving unhappy wife who didn’t know how to make her case without being dramatic.
There is pressure in all relationships and we don’t always respond in appropriate ways. Evelyn Nieves was in Ross’ life a long time and there was never a sign of abuse. All descriptions of abused victims say that they can’t “escape” their abusers — how about Eliana’s free will going back and forth at least three times in a year to VZ and SF?
Do you really want to ruin a man’s career and family life over a bruise? Only very sad and bitter people who are abusive themselves would want this to happen.l
October 9, 2012 at 8:50 am
“unhappy, conniving wife”
Are you seriously blaming Eliana?!
October 8, 2012 at 9:12 pm
I too think Ross is being railroaded.
Still Having both had long term girl friends and a wife with children, I can assure you that the emotional strains and pressure are way, way strong with the latter than the former. Eliana’s video showed that. I can understand why Evelyn Nieves is being ignored.
October 8, 2012 at 4:51 pm
Thanks to the Fog City Journal for publishing Evelyn Nieves letter.
The courts did not want to hear what she had to say, the DA, the city attorneys, the so called Ethic’s commission, everyone. All these beautiful people should be ashamed of themselves.
What a tangled web we weave. Thanks.
October 9, 2012 at 8:48 am
The court didn’t want to hear what Nieves had to say just as they didn’t want to hear what Christina Flores had to say.
I’m sure there was no peep about the latter.
October 9, 2012 at 12:42 pm
Please clarify HSB. Christina Flores was interviewed in private by Judge Wong, and schedule to appear at the original trial before the plea was accepted.
Also Christina Flores sworn testimony was included in the documents available to the Ethic’s commission.
Evelyn Nieves testimony was denied. Thanks.
October 11, 2012 at 9:00 am
Yes, Flores was given 2 days in court to tell long stories about underwear – testimony to ‘poison the well’. Flores was apparently alleging that Ross grabbed her arm once too. At Tuesday’s BOS public comment, I questioned why Flores was given 2 days in court. I was given no time whatsoever to confront my attacker in court.
Ross was given special treatment – especially harsh treatment!